We all have things, good and bad, thrown at us.  But, as Mark Twain cautions,  it’s how we handle it “that will define you.”  I see many of my coaching clients struggling with the priorities of work versus life.  Are you defining yourself through proactive choices or are routine/everyday/low priority demands defining you?  If you find your self in the latter group, chances are you have poor work-life balance.

As you lose your grip on work-life balance, what does it cost you?

Work-Life Balance is the ability to manage priorities.  Often, we take on responsibilities that are out of line with our priorities, or we don’t have the systems in place to adequately manage demands.  Have you had that moment when you were ready to scream, “uncle!”  (In the U.S. we use that term to mean “I give up!”)

To give demands more priority than they deserve results in imbalance. It blurs our focus and dilutes our efforts.  I have identified four main areas that work-life imbalance impacts: physical, behavioral, emotional and relational responses. Imbalance shows up as adverse symptoms that should serve as your wake up call. The key is recognizing the symptoms and taking action.

We all wear multiple hats of responsibility that, for most of us, keep us constantly on the go.  In this race to keep up, we sometimes stop listening to the symptoms of imbalance that first show up as whispers but then escalate into screams.   Perhaps you noticed after an extended period of not working out that you became winded easily when walking up stairs.  Ignore it and you may soon find that your pants shrunk.  While a few extra pounds may be easier to deal with, ignoring a “distance” with your spouse can lead to divorce. Think back to when one of these four areas of your life seemed out of kilter.  When did you get a whisper?  Did it turn into something bigger?

By identifying and measuring these symptoms, it is possible to identify areas that are in greatest jeopardy of creating long term detrimental effects.  Here’s a free tool to help you get started:

>>DOWNLOAD YOUR SYMPTOM RATER HERE<<

 

The Four Affected Areas:

physical responses

Imbalance typically brings a physical response.  Constantly feeling buried or pulled in multiple directions may cause  insomnia, weight gain/loss, digestive issues, fatigue, and tension.  These symptoms are tangible, and are therefore an easier way to become aware of imbalance creeping in.

behavioral responses

Your behavioral response to imbalance may be less obvious.  Examples include procrastination, disorganization, impulsiveness, indecisiveness or self-destructive behavior (e.g,  with alcohol, food, and financial choices).  When you find yourself avoiding key activities like paying bills, for example, to watch TV, these are clues that you are losing focus on your priorities.  These are tangible manifestations as well.  Friends, family and co-workers may notice and maybe even comment on the changes.

emotional responses

Your emotional response to imbalance is often even more difficult to detect.   Symptoms include: anger, resentment, powerlessness, envy, fear, explosiveness, numbness, hopelessness.  Our emotional responses are very powerful in that they tend to guide – and potentially exacerbate – the other three areas of response.  If you are feeling powerless, chances are, you won’t make the attempt to shift your physical health or behaviors.

relational responses

Your relational response to imbalance may be the most devastating.  This is defined by your interactions with others and the impact these relationships have on your mindset and well-being – vitally important to all other areas.  As you lose your grip on work-life balance and feel your control slipping away,  friends, family and co-workers may see the effects first as you become disengaged, withdrawn, overly critical, impatient, or manipulative.  Ironically, when we are moving towards a seriously imbalanced state, that is when we need the support of our friends, family and co-workers the most.  By ignoring the early whispers, you run the risk of cracking the foundation of your relationships at a critical time.

Notice that these symptoms overlap all areas our life and work. Left unchecked, they multiply in severity and magnify issues in other areas.  Let’s say you stopped working out after you accepted a new job.  You now lack the energy to engage with your family after work.  Over time, you become disengaged and perhaps resentful of the free time your spouse has with the kids.  Additionally, less energy causes you to struggle when learning unfamiliar processes required for your new job.

The further down the spiral you fall, the more you move into a “surviving” versus thriving mentality. 

Does this sound familiar?  Feel that you’re just trying to stay afloat?  Do you procrastinate taking care of essential tasks, like paying bills or dealing with a teacher’s message that your child is acting up at school?  Feel extremely busy but you aren’t finishing tasks or producing good results?  Are you making excuses for being late, missing deadlines and for mistakes?   Do your family’s requests or complaints feel like attacks on your time and competence?  Exercise becomes non-existent.  Maybe, you tell yourself it’s all just temporary, and you’ll get back on track next week.   In the meantime, you focus on fulfilling basic needs through unhealthy choices, such a quick burger and fries instead of a nutritious meal, or turn to alcohol or drugs to calm your nerves or help you sleep.

Now, picture this:

• Approach your heavy workload by prioritizing tasks, speaking with your supervisor to clarify expectations and establish a realistic schedule.
• Deal with your children’s squabbling with a calm, but authoritative, lesson in conflict resolution.
• End the evening with a warm, affectionate “pillow talk” with your spouse, both of you expressing frustrations as well as support for each other.
• Sleep well and wake up refreshed and confident.

You can do it.  Awareness is your best starting point.

Take advantage of the free tool, the Imbalance Symptom Rater, included with this blog.  By tuning in to the severity of your symptoms sooner, you have the ability to mitigate the more detrimental effects.  In conjunction with the launch of my course, The Balance Formula, I am also posting several articles on my blog around creating work-life balance.  Check out the series to discover tips that can help you reverse your downward spiral of imbalance.   With the right systems and habits, you can more consistently stay in balance and live a life that is about thriving, not just surviving!