Every parent wants to be a role model for their children for happiness and success. But just a few years ago, I realized my child was seeing just the opposite from me. I was in a job mired in never-ending work place drama, a bigger territory, and ever ascending sales goals. I was so tired I had very little to give my family when I got home AND my health was going down the tubes. Not the rosiest of pictures. I felt trapped since our lifestyle and benefits relied on my income. I felt stuck because I was tired and struggled to find a way out. I’m owning up to this because I still didn’t see the handwriting on the wall, and I believe my story can help you.
The Wake Up Call
My son provided the final shot across my bow that I needed to make some big changes. Heading out the door for another sales trip, my son wouldn’t let go of my leg. I was a little short with him as I was running late and then he said it. “Please don’t leave me again.” BOOM! Worst mother of the year award! I bawled the whole way to the airport. Yes, I know most children go through a separation anxiety stage and cling as a parent leaves for work or drops them off at school. But this was different. I’d watched him watch me. I heard him parrot back the negative things I was saying. He was only four but he clearly sensed I was struggling and he was worried about ME.
Ironically, I have always considered myself a problem solver. When friends and coworkers came to me (looonnnggg before I was a coach) for advice on their career, money and relationships. I prided myself on seeing the big picture. Surely I could figure this out for myself. I’ll spare you the details but after much analysis, I realized I was looking at symptoms, not the real problem. My true problem was NOT that I was burned out or unfulfilled in my job.
Defining Success
The problem was, my definition of success didn’t square with my real values. I don’t ever remember a time where I once asked myself what I needed to do and be to live a happy life without regrets. I had big financial and career goals that kept me chasing the next level of traditional success. But these, unfortunately, led me astray from my happiness, fulfillment and my true idea of success. If I had just taken the time to figure out what I wanted, what drives me and what would make me truly happy, I could have saved myself a lot of misery! After doing this work to get some clarity, my values are now aligned with how I am living my life. Better late than never!
I want to point out that there is nothing wrong with going after big wealth goals and providing your family with the money to live comfortably and safely. That is still important to me. It’s when you do it at the expense of whole life success, health and happiness, that you have to question how much is enough. On the flip side, there are folks that take wealth “creation” to the other extreme. Their negative mindset around money and wealthy people keep them in a place of struggle. There has to be a balance.
Crystal Clear Priorities
So here we are full circle. How do I prevent my kid from following this same path? For me, I had
Mother’s Day 2016
to make some pretty radical changes. In hindsight, I wish I had made them 5 years earlier than I did, but, hey, I did it and I see the difference in me and my family every day. Now, every day is one I look forward to. One of my biggest desires was to be there for my son’s events like Cub Scouts and swimming lessons. When he accomplishes something for the first time, I want him to look up and see me smiling and cheering. Being clearer on my priorities showed me that my greatest happiness and joy are rooted in these moments. This is what I want to teach and model for my son so follows a healthy path. I will help him discover his moments.
I admit, it’s not easy to find your own definition of success. It may take you on a path that doesn’t fit with what our society and culture expect of you. Join me next week for a quick 5 point framework on how to define your success and the steps to make it happen. You’ll take the societal standards and learn how to transform success into genuine significance in your life.
Don’t miss next week’s solution! I will drop the 5 tips in your inbox. Get Connected!
Recent Comments